Luke: Background

Luke was always an excellent student, observing the world around him with curiosity from an early age. Attending his family’s Midwest Baptist church, Luke loved to ask questions in Bible Study, though he rarely remembers it going well. Some female teachers took him seriously, offering answers or at least a companion in wondering. Though, there were some exceptions.

One of his earliest church memories is when a visiting teacher explained all about missionaries in foreign countries who go to villages where no one had ever heard the gospel to tell them the good news of Jesus’ salvation. He asked, “What about other people who don’t have church? Do they go to hell?” The teacher answered emphatically, “Yes,” and the class moved on.  

Later that night, he told his mom all about it through tears. “I don’t know who this God is, but I don’t like him.” He remembers his mom’s embrace as she assured him, “God has a plan for everyone. You don’t need to worry about them.” The interaction stuck in his memory as a mix of solace and confusion. If they didn’t have to believe everything the preacher said, then why did they have to go in the first place?

When Luke, still a child, moved to a farming community for the family to take over the care of his grandparents’ land, their new church was small and regularly contentious. “I just don’t get it,” he told his mom. “Why are people so mean?” Luke’s dad stopped going, yet his siblings still had to go with his mom whenever the doors were open.

Luke’s life forever changed in that tiny church when he met his future piano teacher, the wife of a retired minister, whose loving attention taught Luke both how to make music and how to have good, meaningful conversations. While lessons were supposed to be only a half hour, Luke would sit at the piano bench with her, pouring out all his thoughts and questions for over an hour.

After graduating high school, Luke was exhausted of ministers and deacons but deeply loved church music. He went on to Bible college and seminary to pursue work as a music minister. Along the way, he struggled with the deep contradictions he saw in Christians: people obsessed with personal power instead of love, social order rather than acceptance, and a deep fear of the outside world, not to mention the contradictions he felt as a closeted gay man serving in a Southern Baptist church.

One summer, when Luke toured the country with a singing group from his Bible college, Luke and his friends stopped at a gas station to fill up the college’s van before heading to the next Christian camp to perform. While pumping gas, a man from the car next to him saw that Luke was with the church group and boldly asked him, “Do you really believe that bullshit?” Luke was stunned because it was as if this man had seen through his charade, exposing his doubt and leaving him embarrased. Was it that obvious to an outsider that they were all fools for propping up an institution that (he agreed) was filled with mean and close-minded people? 

He wanted to scream, “No! I don’t!” But such honesty would have meant that he would have to look in the mirror and address the enormous gap between his career plans and the doubts he tried to keep deep within him.

Fast forward decades, Luke looks back and sees his years in music ministry as prioritizing his passion (church music) and trying to stuff down the growing disbelief in the whole system. He left Christianity in his early 30s and hasn’t looked back since, though he still can’t tell his mom that he no longer attends church because he doesn’t want to hurt her. She was tender and supportive when he came out to her as gay, but he knew that coming out as an atheist would break her heart. 

This month’s story explores how one man’s piano teacher paved the way for a life of music that eventually spilled out of the church and into the theater world, where he could live in authenticity and freedom. What does moving forward in faith look like when “faith” is the prison from which you escaped?

Connecting points to put each story in the context of our current day (resources), scripture (lectionary), wise thinkers (worth reading), and your personal story (reflection questions).