Frances: Step Three
Frances has degrees in higher theological education, received her ordination, and is an expert in her field of pastoral care. She has lived through trauma, grief, heartbreak, and challenges and has counseled countless people to help them know that God is near them when they are in pain.
Frances, with her wealth of knowledge and experience, is more than capable of being the guiding force in her spiritual life. It's time for her to step into her authority and lead from the front rather than relying on others, be it her husband, children, pastors, or supervisors.
Should Frances claim the inner authority God has given her to move through the world as a spiritual and theological leader, here are some transformative spiritual practices that might move her spiritual life forward, inspiring hope and growth.
Frances can publish her manuscript.
Frances has been working on a manuscript about her life for years. She began writing as a therapeutic tool as a young adult, liberating all the grief and vulnerability her family’s code silence had stifled. Over the years, Frances has written chapters articulating all she’s endured and learned. Despite friends’ encouragement to publish her manuscript, she has refrained from doing so because of some complicating factors regarding her husband. She says she doesn’t care whether it ever gets published. She’s unsure she cares enough to do all the work to share it officially. Even so, her husband’s lack of support means he has become another religious authority figure holding Frances back from stepping into her full voice.
Under stress, Frances may repeat the unhealthy secret-keeping patterns she was born into by remaining vigilant about how anything she shares could damage the reputation of others. Publishing her manuscript could trigger the fear that family or friends will abandon her if she tells her truth. However, Frances has found through therapy that she is the authority figure in her story. She can make decisions that prioritize safety, even when relationally complicated.
Frances has reached a point where denying reality is too dangerous to her well-being. No matter what it costs in her relationships with her husband and children, Frances can commit to telling the truth in love as an act of stubborn resilience. Even if she self-published the book and shared it with just her close friends, publishing her life’s story would be a testament to her spiritual vitality, which has endured the soul's darkest nights.
Frances can define spiritual practices as more than church attendance.
In Frances' family of origin, religion was defined by church attendance, with the image of a pew packed with family as the image of faithfulness. She has had a rocky relationship with churches over the past few decades due to church conflicts, overburdened volunteers, and a lingering sense of religious homelessness. After being in and out of church over the past few decades, Frances is no longer attending a church – a matter of which she’s conflicted. Frances is well versed in spirituality outside of the church walls, as is evident from her training and experience, but when speaking of her faith life, the first words on her lips are about whether or not she’s been at church lately.
Frances can find ways to name her spiritual life in other terms to move forward.
Writing can be how she lifts her voice in worship.
Leaning into her civic life in her small town allows her to steward her gifts of time, talent, and treasure.
Spending time with her adult children can be her spiritual community.
Spending time in nature and gardening is a form of ecological spirituality.
Speaking an honest word, especially if it’s difficult, can be a form of gratitude to God for the bravery God has instilled within her through this long journey.
Attending church can add to these spiritual practices but need not define or measure her faith life.
Frances can find refuge in Mother God.
When Frances is stressed, she can still feel like a little girl since she was so young when the abuse began. Even now, at an older age, Frances turns to the people around her to give her the safety, belonging, and purpose that her inner child craves. Maturity invites us to parent ourselves in ways our parents could not. Frances can provide for herself what she needs in ways that the people in her life cannot. France can mother herself, providing for herself what she needs.
After living with a mother whose parented using shame and judgment, Frances can reimagine motherhood by connecting with a maternal image of God. When she finds her mother’s words shaming her and filling her memories, she can think of Mother God, whose voice is filled with compassion. She can reclaim her daughterhood before this Mother God, whose love is tender and protective.
As scripture shows, God is like a mother who takes her children under her wings.
“Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my should takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, until the destroying storms pass by” (Psalm 57:1).
Mother God comforts her people when they are in distress.
“As a mother comforts her child, so I’ll comfort you” (Isaiah 66:13). “Can a woman forget her nursing-child, or show no compassion for the child of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you” (Isaiah 49:15).
Whenever Frances reads a common prayer, whether at church or elsewhere, she can substitute “Father God” for “Mother God.” When she sings a hymn, she can replace “He” with “She.” These small moments of choosing Mother God are ways she can mother herself, providing a spiritual refuge for that young girl within her who still craves stability, safety, and solace.
She can substitute “Mother God” for “The Lord.”
“Mother God is near to the broken-hearted, and saves the crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18).
Connecting points to put each story in the context of our current day (resources), scripture (lectionary), wise thinkers (worth reading), and your personal story (reflection questions)