The Work
I’m drawn to those who want to nurture a spiritual life different from what they received growing up, but they don’t know how to get started because they feel stuck or unsure of how to move forward. The last thing they want is to repeat the same patterns or fall into past hurts or grudges. They know what they don’t believe anymore but struggle to claim what they do believe. Whether they haven’t stepped foot into a sanctuary for years or they attend church regularly, they feel unsure how to move talking about what they don’t believe anymore.
My experience as a pastor, scholar, and person has led me to see how much people assume beliefs are something you can just get rid of, like books you take off the shelf when you no longer need them. Past beliefs persist within us long after we’ve stopped “believing” them because they are so intertwined with our personal histories.
To help those folks heal, I offer a three-step process of self-reflection that leads toward spiritual creativity.
Place former beliefs in the context of what was happening when you received them.
Begin putting words to beliefs that have stood the test of time.
Learn to accept what has been, integrate core beliefs, and engage in spiritual practices tailored to your life.
My ultimate dream is for people to live at peace with the past, confident in their ability to manage whatever life brings and open to revived spirituality.
Pastors and therapists can play a pivotal role in our spiritual lives, but discerning how to heal unhealthy beliefs is a personal process that no one can do for you. Rather than waiting for someone to read your mind about what you need in your spiritual life, this process offers you a path to take ownership of pursuing what you uniquely need to move forward.
To best illuminate this healing process, I share stories inspired by people who have shared their lives with me through interviews. Over the past few years, I’ve had the privilege of listening to people share their religious backgrounds, including moments of confusion, pain, and joy. Each case study represents several people who have shared their religious background with me. I’ve changed identifying details to protect the identity of those who have vulnerably and courageously shared their experiences and feelings with me.
People’s stories have included moments of vocational loss, drug abuse, physical disability, sexual abuse, unstable home life, and sexuality. Most pervasive in all the stories has been a sense of religious homelessness. When walking away from one’s childhood faith, people can feel untethered and unsure where to turn.
Just as listening to each person’s interview is helpful for me, I hope these case studies will initiate self-reflection so you can wonder how your religious background affects you. Seeing how another can grow will offer you tools to employ when feeling stuck, resentful, or complacent in your spirituality. Ultimately, the case studies will encourage growth in your faith life so you can feel an increased sense of compassion, curiosity, and courage.