Claire: Step One
Here are some foundational beliefs that used to be central to Claire’s faith but have changed as she’s become a young adult. You’ll notice that these beliefs are not wrong, per se. The beliefs served Claire as a child but no longer fit based on her experiences.
Faith is an intellectual exercise.
Claire loved the church—the people, rituals, and intellectual exercise. Memorizing scripture and attending classes and retreats carried Claire through adolescence, helping her reach adulthood with a healthy dose of confidence and passion. It’s no surprise that she saw faith as an intellectual exercise, considering her church’s approach to confirmation as an exercise in memorizing specific answers that could be stated publicly before the elders.
Claire thrived in confirmation, where she could ask questions, learn, and prove her knowledge. She also got personal time with the pastor, building a relationship of shared conviction, commitment, and, ultimately, calling once she said “yes” to God’s call to ministry. The church’s public affirmation of Claire nurtured her hunger for more biblical knowledge and led her to pursue theology and church history in her academic pursuits.
When new theological questions emerged from the people she met in college, Claire found reason, logic, tradition, and catechism left her stuck and frustrated. Faith as an intellectual exercise didn’t work anymore.
I am the best version of myself when at church.
Adults instilled great confidence in Claire at church, and she thrived under their mentoring. Claire excelled in the religious exams for confirmation and found friends she knew she’d keep forever. She had no idea how comfortable and carefree she felt at church until one of her school friends tagged along one night to youth group. The friend couldn’t stop talking about how strange it was to see Claire running around the church building barefoot. To Claire, that was normal. She felt totally normal at church.
College was an extension of the church. She invested her time and passion in college ministries, taking on leadership positions to ensure the spiritual growth of all students. Even when the theological questions around sexuality emerged, she doubled down on finding a way to make this work.
Over time, listening to her friends share their experiences of feeling left out, shamed, and even banished from the Christian community, Claire began to feel confused at church. Had she been a fool for feeling so comfortable in a place that excluded her friends?
Clarity and passion are signs that you’re close to God.
Claire’s sense of God’s call to youth ministry came from her deep connection to the church and the identity she found in her youth group. Her congregation’s approval and biblical knowledge made Claire feel clear in her Christian identity and passionate about all God would do through her faithful living. Her childhood is filled with memories of times when she showed agency (she could do something for God!) and purpose (God wanted her to use her gifts!). Claire knew she had a voice she could use for good in the world.
The American culture of youth ministry, drawing upon teenage idealism and passion, fanned the flames of Claire’s sense of call to ministry. Youth ministry conferences preach messages about how teenage Christians can change the world as Jesus did through speakers like Shane Claiborne, painting a picture of Jesus’ revolution of holiness and justice.
By the time Claire hit a wall with her Christian college around LGBTQ+ inclusion, her sense of clarity and passion was so strong that she knew God was calling her to make a revolutionary change in the church. She felt close to God as she continued onto seminary, but eventually, she felt weary and discouraged fighting against Christian institutions for what felt like obvious reforms close to Jesus’ heart.
Connecting points to put each story in the context of our current day (resources), scripture (lectionary), wise thinkers (worth reading), and your personal story (reflection questions).