Ted Loder’s “I do not know myself yet”

Ted Loder’s prayers are so beautiful and honest. They teach us how to be authentic with God, and therefore with ourselves. Here’s one prayer from his collection, Wrestling with the Light.

“I do not know myself yet” by Ted Loder from Wrestling with the Life: Ache and Awe in the Human-Divine Struggle

“Holy One, I would pray
not because you do not know me already,
but because I do not know myself yet,
and seek myself with you.

Shed the light of your grace upon me
and go with me into the dark, untended,
shameful, scary corners of my life.

Ease the frantic, swollen pride
by which I claim too much for my efforts,
credit too little those of others,
and stifle gratitude to them, and you.

Soften my callous belittlement of others
by words that blame,
or collusions that exclude,
and so demean and divide us all.

Straighten me out of the crippling illusion
that my burdens are heavier 
than those of others. 

Liberate me to share my struggles honestly
so I may embrace the miracle of my humanity
and drink, in exultation, 
the wine of others’ gifts.

Visit with me my nightmare fears
to dredge them up to light, O God;
and help me give the furies names,
to tame their wild, hypnotic power,
and start to heal my waiting soul
and those I wounded at the furies’ prod.

Undamn the juices of my passion,
unbury the riches of my talent,
that in the flow and wiled of them,
in my daring and my doing, 
a light will break
and I will see my life is far more than it seems,
and trust enough to learn by heart
the truth of me you know so well,
and to give by choice 
the gift it is you ask of me.”