Paula D’Arcy on Grief & Our Images of God
Paula D’Arcy’s words on grief are a powerful blend of challenging and comforting. Here is a glimpse of her writing from Winter of the Heart (profound in its brevity) around how our beliefs impact our grieving.
“There is an important difference between our thoughts and beliefs about who God is and God. Our personal version of God is a point of view, not an ultimate truth. No matter how coveted our image, it’s essentially a way we have grown to think about God, but it’s not God. The former is an idea, and the latter is a living presence. The difference coudl not be more distinct.
Many images of God we have held since childhood shatter under the weight of grief, and we are ‘let down’ not by God but by who we believed God to be. Becoming aware of this is sometimes the turning point of the grief journey.
Whether we are conscious of it or not, we all have a large investment in a certain image of God. There is a way we want God to be. Sometimes we are indelibly tied to the belief that when God is present, conditions in our life will be favorable. As a lifetime unfolds, these conclusions hopefully change and broaden. But when this enlargement of awareness happens all at once, without years of preparation, it can be a significant jolt.
Though distressing, letting go of false images or examining beliefs that have never been questions is a critical step forward. It creates the space for something truer to emerge. If God is not what I hope or thought God to be (for example, a benevolent Presence who spares the good and the innocent from the blows of life), then who is God? And how can I grow to know God directly?
Many of us finally put aside our earliest assumptions about life - and our childhood images of God - when we grieve. Only then is an authentic adult faith able to emerge. Losing someone we love often initiates the process that causes faith to be tested and examined. Don’t be afraid if this happens. The faith that is tested by the fire of grief is an invitation for that faith to deepen.”
