Luke: Step Two
Eventually, Luke developed passion and purpose in his life through music, but he first had to exist in the world in which he was raised. Luke had to accept the rules of the adults around him, as is every child’s task. Living as a closeted gay man required making his intellectual curiosity private and learning to abide by the (male) deacons’ rules.
Here are some of the beliefs that Luke, as a child, had to believe in order to survive within the system. These beliefs he later shed as an adult when his eyes opened to a world where he could have community, offer his gifts to the world, and live honestly and authentically.
Throughout Luke’s years in church, certain beliefs allowed him to grow and move forward despite the system built to control him. Here are three foundational beliefs that served as life rafts for Luke as he grew courageous enough to swim against the tide when the time came.
Church music saves lives.
There was one saving grace at that church: the music. Luke loved the music and was elated at 12 to begin playing the piano and organ for worship. Listening to Luke speak about his life, I couldn’t help but think of Shiprah and Puah, two Hebrew midwives from the first chapter of Exodus, who defied the pharaoh's order to kill all the boys birthed by the Hebrew women to control the population and cement his power. Instead of following orders, Shiprah and Puah helped the mothers labor in secret and then told the pharaoh that the women had given birth before they could get there to assist. Shiprah and Puah worked in the system, saving lives and allowing mothers and young boys to live and grow outside of the eyes of the oppressive system.
Luke’s piano teacher was like Shiprah and Puah, helping Luke discover joy and purpose until he reached the point when he could be public about his true self. From Luke’s early teen years, music offered safety and escape from the toxic conflict and masculinity that sought power over everyone. His joy while playing the piano was unmatched, creating a holy space that made all the other challenges bearable and worth enduring.
Church music programs offer a space for people who are closeted (whether because they hide sexuality, doubt, or whatever quality the church has deemed inappropriate or wrong) to find their voice, build deep bonds of friendship, and grow spiritually.
Find the people who love your questions.
As a child, Luke was a natural observer, observing the wide gap between adults’ words and actions. The intellectually lazy preacher and deacons who ran the church acted like they had all the answers while regularly seeming clueless about what to do. They often shut down questions, showing their cards that while they were faithful, they were also ignorant of how to approach complexity in faith.
Yet the women in his life knew to create space, even in an oppressive system, for children to feel free and loved. They knew that learning was an asset and skill for their future rather than a threat, as the men suggested. Once he left the Christian world, Luke surrounded himself with people who value open-ended questions over drinks with nothing to do but wonder together.
Intuition is your most significant and most disruptive asset.
Luke may have swam with the tide as a young person, but his inner voice is prominent as he retells his growing up in churches. He knew early on that things were not right, his mind unable to reconcile the glaring contradictions surrounding him. “I’m not supposed to be here,” he used to sense. “This isn’t my place.”
Luke moved through the years feeling unsettled and uncertain, and yet he looks back at his decades in the church and does not feel bitterness or live with regrets. He knew there was no choice to not exist in that system until the time came to walk into something different. His inner voice helped him process his body's discomfort and prepare him for the spiritual fortitude to value his freedom enough to leave. By the time he changed his religious affiliation, his intuition had prepared him to be confident in his decision despite the disruption it would cause in his friend group and career.
Connecting points to put each story in the context of our current day (resources), scripture (lectionary), wise thinkers (worth reading), and your personal story (reflection questions)